Grammar Girl

Happy December!!  I know I say it every year, but it really does not seem possible that we are in the last month of 2014.  I am looking forward to so many things this month, and can't wait to end this year on a great note!

This post has nothing to do with December, Cyber Monday sales or pre-Christmas festivities.  Instead, I have decided to write about something that those of you who know me know is very near and dear to my heart: grammar.  Sounds lame I know (I mean, it is), but careless grammatical mistakes drive me NUTS, and if you ever have carried on at least a somewhat significant conversation with me you know I am not afraid to call you out on your errors.

I am a huge fan of the Grammar Girl podcast created by Mignon Fogarty.  She is brilliant and entertaining and knows how to make learning grammar simple and fun.  Her podcast has explored just about every confounding grammatical question you could imagine, but the ones that drive me most insane are not nearly as complex as those that she addresses.  I certainly am no grammar guru by any stretch of the imagination, but I would like to think I know at least a little something about it. 

So, I am listing the top eight grammatical errors that drive me completely crazy (in no particular order), and hopefully you will not make any of these mistakes ever again ...ever.

[Cue super lame blog post]

1. Your/You're

I cannot even believe that this happens.  "Your" = something belongs to you; "You're" = you + are.  Period.  Could it get any more simple?  No, seriously.

2. Splitting Infinitives

Usually, "to" + a verb = an infinitive.  If you put a word between these two components, you have split the infinitive.  

For example, "I hope to quickly finish my assignment" is incorrect.  By placing the adverb "quickly" in between the words "to" and "finish," you have split the infinitive.  Instead, the sentence should read, "I hope to finish my assignment quickly."  

So, as a general rule: keep 'em together - no word should separate the "to" from the simple form of the verb that follows.  Might sound awkward at first, but I promise it gets better.

3. Who's/Whose

Forget any rules you ever learned about apostrophes here.  "Who's" = who + is.  For example, "who's coming to dinner tonight?"  On the other hand, "Whose" references ownership or to whom something belongs: "I have a friend whose car is blue."  Let's get that straight, guys.

4. Quotation Marks and Punctuation

Punctuation, no matter what type, goes INSIDE the quotation marks.  WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER.

5. It's/Its

This mistake makes me cringe almost as badly as the your/you're tragedy.  "It's" = it + is.  This usually is used when you are describing something.  Conversely, "Its" indicates ownership of something.  

As a simple test, if you can replace the word with another possessive adjective such as "theirs," "his" or "hers," then "its" is the correct one to use.  It's not that difficult of a concept. ;)

6. I/Me

"I" is a subject; "Me" is an object.  You should use "I" when referring to the person performing the action of the verb in your sentence.  However, use "Me" when referring to the person that the action of the verb is being done to.  Whoever taught you that you automatically should use "I" whenever the word "and" connects two subjects or objects was wrong.  You should go back and tell your elementary school teachers that.

I know this explanation seems somewhat confusing and troublesome, so here is the rule I follow when deciding which to use: try out your sentence with either "I" or "me" and see how it sounds.  

For example, "My mom told my sister and (I / me) to be ready at 8:00."  Does "My mom told I to be ready at 8:00" make any damn sense?  No.  But, "My mom told me to be ready at 8:00" makes perfect sense.  There ya have it, folks. 

7. Must Of/Must Have

If you ever have written "must of" then you are just wrong.  In your defense, you probably are thinking that, because 've sounds very much like "of," you write the commonly spoken word "must've" as "must of."  Well, that's wrong and "must of" is not even a thing.  If you hear "must've" it is short for must + have.  You must've been mistaken if you've ever written "must of." ;)

8. Affect/Effect

"Affect" is a verb and "Effect" is a noun.  There are very few exceptions to this general rule, so they are not worth worrying about.  Use "affect" when talking about influencing or producing a change in something: "A snowstorm can affect my morning commute."  If you are talking about a change that occurred, please for the love of God use "effect:" "A snowstorm has a direct effect on morning traffic." 

So, now you know what drives me mad in conversations.  I also realize I have set the bar pretty high for my posts from here on out - I definitely cannot make any grammatical mistakes now.  Maybe you learned something, maybe you didn't, but in any event please do not make these mistakes when you're talking to me.

Cheers to that!