College v. Post-Grad Life

When I was in college, I basically felt like it never was going to end.  A few words to describe how I felt: invincible, unhealthy and carefree - to name a few.  And then, I graduated ... sorta.  I did graduate college, but only to embark on my next journey: law school, which basically was college all over again (in many ways at least). 

Well, I learned that life after college (and/or law school) is not as glamorous as I maybe had hoped or expected it to be.  Everything - yes, everything - changes.  

1. Hangovers

Holy.Hell.  In college, my hangover used to last only about as long as it took me to shower and get ready to start drinking again the next morning.  Now, I am flat out on my ass for an entire day coping with a hangover, which actually feels more like death.  Functioning?  Bye bye.

2. Friends

Friends go from being across the hall or down the street to across the country or even the world.  You actually have to make a seriously concerted effort to get a plan together to see them, and that probably only will work out once or twice a year, if you're lucky. 

3. Weekends

Let me tell you how they went in college ... 

Friday: early dinner at Klondike Kate's (I'll have the fried chicken salad with extra honey mustard, please.") with plenty of drinks to get the evening started.  Then off to the mostly random pregame where I would indulge in copious amounts of whiskey before leaving for the bar(s).  Once at the bar, why not chug three AC Slater's and a few more shots - the night is young!  Oh, the bar is closing?  Whatever, doesn't mean the night ends there ... Margherita's Pizza and a pit stop at 711 for some chips for the win.  A sloppy stroll back home and I usually would end up in bed by around 2:30 a.m.  Oh, and that's just Friday.

Saturday: sleep in until about 11:00 a.m., then repeat above, except start drinking about eight hours earlier.  Why?  Because there probably was some sporting event going on on one of the 72 ESPN channels that we could pretend to be interested in.  The only standard: blackout sometime in the afternoon and continue drinking through Sunday morning. 

Sunday: kickstart Sunday Funday with brunch ("omg! bottomless mimosas and bloodies!!"), followed by another day of pretending to be interested in whatever sporting event was happening on TV.  Sometimes we called it quits semi-early on Sundays, but sometimes we didn't.

Fast forward to my weekends post-grad ...

Friday: Thank God it is Friday and the million ounces of caffeine consumed throughout the week worked again!  4:30 p.m. has taken on an entirely new meaning.  Now, I pray for 4:30 to arrive so I can get home and into my sweats before it gets dark out.  The only thing I'm going out for on Fridays is to meet the Chinese delivery guy at my front gate.  No shame here!

Saturday: rise and shine, it's 7:30 a.m. and I already feel like I have overslept.  Thoughts going through my mind at this point: Target will be packed if I don't get there by 9 a.m.; how early is the dry cleaners open on Saturdays?; gotta get to the post office by noon; let me make my grocery list first; did I make an appointment for my oil change?; quick, put laundry in before one of my roommates beats me to it.  The list goes on and on.  If the stars are aligned, I might go out on Saturday night, but it ain't like a Saturday in college.  Classy dinner with a few glasses of wine, Irish goodbye, and then in bed by 11:30 - check!

Sunday: I'm hungover, despite only having three or four drinks the night before.  I feel like hell, look like hell, and probably decide to munch on the leftovers from my late-night snack the night before.  What's in store for the rest of the day?  Sweatpants, socks, crockpot, and my couch - alone.  Then, the scaries start to set in.  I realize I have to work tomorrow and simultaneously convince myself that "I am going nowhere in life" and "need to figure my shit out."  I think I'll go to my parents' house tonight for dinner. 

4. Dating

Standards for guys in college: is he hot, tall and down for a DFMO?  Things I look for now: is he at least bearable on the eyes, a little bit taller than me, does he have his shit together, is he advancing in his career, and, if so, why the heck is he single?  Something obviously must be wrong.  Bye bye high(er) standards.  Oh, and I can be flexible with some of these things ...

5. Eating 

My diet in college consisted of a steady rotation of pizza, wings, DP Dough, mac & cheese, and Home Grown's grilled cheese.  Ahh, to have a young metabolism again.  Now, the only pizza I'm eating is made with some disgusting, yet "healthy," cauliflower crust and I'm only ordering wings if they're grilled.  Hello, no fun Alison. 

6. Commuting

What used to be a ten minute walk to class now is a 45 minute drive to work.  I also have to "factor things in" now before I leave, such as traffic, weather, school breaks, and stopping for gas.  Ugh. 

7. High Alcohol Tolerance

HA!  Should have just said "alcohol tolerance," because even that seems like a lofty goal these days.  I used to imbibe unhealthy amounts of alcohol in college and handle it like a c-h-a-m-p.  Earning the nickname "Shotskis" was not an easy task.  Now I just pray I can come up with enough excuses to get out of doing a shot for someone's birthday or whatever we are being forced to celebrate.

8. Fridays

Pretty much follows #3 (Weekends), but the days of giving absolutely zero fucks about work on Fridays are long gone.  Everyone knows the "college work week" (and I use "work" very, very loosely) starts Monday at about 10:00 a.m. and ends on Thursday at about 4:40 p.m.  Post-grad Fridays are spent making sure I finish up everything for Monday morning so I don't have to bring work home over the weekend.   Usually this means I pretend to be productive until about noon and then blankly stare at my computer screen for the rest of the afternoon. 

9. Spring Break - or really any break

Used to be the most important week of the year - the week everyone looked forward to the second the spring semester began.  How would I describe it?  A week filled with debauchery, inebriation, sexual defiance, and a hell of a lot of fun.  Now, spring break doesn't even exist.  Nor does a month-long "Christmas" break (or, if you went to the University of Delaware like I did, the seven week break from mid-December through Valentine's Day most definitely is a thing of the past).  For a split second, I wish I could go back to a wild spring break, but then soon realize that the likelihood of me being able to persevere and hang for more than two days is slim to none.  

10. Days Off

MLK Day?  Sweet, I can treat my Sunday like a Saturday and my Monday like a Sunday and start drinking an entire day earlier.  Now, I struggle with just getting through all of the tasks on my to do lists before the day is over. 

11. Money

Didn't really have any in college and don't really have any now, so no difference there.  But in college, whatever cash I could come up with went towards alcohol or food.  Now, I have to save money for "important" and "adult" things, like bills, rent and a 401k - who even knows what the heck that is anyway?!

12. Bedtimes

I sometimes think I wake up at the same time now as when I used to go to sleep in college.  I never "planned" on going to bed at a certain time in college, let alone shared it with anyone if I did.  Now, you know not to text me past 9:00 p.m. because that phone is on "Do Not Disturb" and I am well on my way to REM.  

Now these, my friends, are serious post-grad problems.  Cheers to growing up!